Realistically I know that if I was looking at myself from an outside perspective I’d tell myself that I need to go to the hospital and get some real help but I am not able to look at myself from an outside perspective so I can’t think of any way to actually heal. I’m just broken and there’s nothing out there that can put me back together
I’ve unintentionally shut everyone out. I don’t know why I do this. I keep telling myself that its them who don’t love me but I won’t tear down my wall enough to let in any love they try to throw at me. I’m sorry to everyone I’ve hurt or burdened these past few years. With any luck I won’t be around much longer to do any more harm
I feel like all my friends don’t actually like me and the ones that do are only out to sabotage me and I’m aware that I’m probably just paranoid but I don’t know how to shake the feeling
I feel like everything I say sounds sketchy and untrustworthy but usually its just me not being able to voice my thoughts properly so it makes people wonder
I miss the first half of 2017 when I was best friends with the love of my life and everything he did just made me feel calm and protected and I never felt the way that I do right now for more than maybe a couple hours because he just knew when I was upset and how to fix it. Now I’m lost and confused and I have friends that mean the world to me but I don’t want to burden them and I keep fucking up those relationships and nothing I just said makes any sense I’m just sad
Whenever a dude touches me I feel really gross and go into a really dark place and with everything else going on in my life I’m scared of where this dark place is going to take me
Everyone I truly love is either leaving the state, cares more about their shitty boyfriends than anyone else or just too busy to be bothered most of the time. Gotta love the fucking holidays
In my opinion the amount of love you have for someone doesn’t matter if they constantly make you feel like shit and cheat on you
But then again what do I know. I’m just a heartless bitch who pushes everyone away and is afraid of commitment
In my opinion the amount of love you have for someone doesn’t matter if they constantly make you feel like shit and cheat on you
When you love someone.
When you love someone, you love them in every way.
You love their insecurities. You love their imperfections. You love the way they walk, they laugh, they stare at you. You think of them the time you close your eyes at night and every time you wake up in the morning.When you love someone, you get mad at them. You get hurt. You hurt them as well. You put scars on them, and if you love them so much you try to heal those scars. You try to make them feel better. You make them feel more loved.
When you love someone, you dont just give up on them. It gets harder each day. But then you love them and no matter how hard it is, you stay because it is still harder without them. So you try to fix everything.When you love someone, you wonder whether they have eaten, they went home safely, whether they are feeling alright or bad. When you love someone you want them to be always in good condition.
When you love someone, you want them to stay with you forever.
When you love someone, you wipe away their tears, you hold them as long as they wanna be held.
When you love someone you just dont let them go away.
You dont let them feel like they are nothing.
When you love someone you make them feel your love.
(via fuckyahumor)
